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Mens DIVORCE Club

If you're here then you're probably contemplating, are in, or was in, the ugly tentacles of a divorce. There's a lot of us out there. Too many. It's like 50% of all marriages will end in divorce. So why the high numbers? Well, that's one of the things I talk about here. So kick back, have a spin around the site see if you can find something useful. I'm sure you will.

Mens DIVORCE Club

If you're here then you're probably contemplating, are in or was in, the ugly tentacles of a divorce. There's a lot of us out there. Too many. It's like 50% of all marriages will end in divorce. So why the high numbers? Well, that's one of the things I talk about here. So kick back, have a spin around the site see if you can find something useful. I'm sure you will.

Mens DIVORCE Club

If you're here then you're probably contemplating, are in or was in, the ugly tentacles of a divorce. There's a lot of us out there. Too many. It's like 50% of all marriages will end in divorce. So why the high numbers? Well, that's one of the things I talk about here. So kick back, have a spin around the site see if you can find something useful. I'm sure you will.
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  • 10 One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood. Lucius Annaeus Seneca
  • 9 The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. Edmund Burke
  • 8 Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. Buddha
  • 7 Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant. Robert Louis Stevenson
  • 6 Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'! Audrey Hepburn
  • 5 Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. Joseph Campbell
  • 4 Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud. Maya Angelou
  • 3 It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light. Aristotle
  • 2 Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. Oscar Wilde
  • 1 The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart. Helen Keller
    • Welcome to Mens Divorce Club

      This page is just a landing page to give you a taste of what is in the site. You'll find much more navigating the site. I've included some of my favorite scenic images throughout the site. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. I've also included a video section with some of my favorites. So when you need a break from all the seriousness of the divorce stuff head over and check out some videos or hit up the gallery, listen to some tunes or stop in one of the chat rooms and chat a while.  😀

      Anyhow, I want to make this site a place where you folks can find all the answers you need and enjoy yourselves while you're at it. So enjoy yourself while you're here. Learn some stuff, have a look around, discuss topics, chat with like minded people, if you see something you don't like or like something you don't see, drop me a line and I'll get right on it. Enjoy! 😎

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      1. Reds Blog

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        Red Rover
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        This is just a simple blog post so I can check out invision community platform. There is nothing special here just me typing away. I don't know what to type about so I will just type about nothing. When the red frog jumped over the sky it fell back to earth with a big splat and there was red stuff everywhere.

        kitten-cat-fluffy-cat-cute-62321_result.jpeg

      2. I read an article today that did a survey of over 1000 women in a relationship, half of whom had a fall back guy that they would go to when they break it off with their current significant other. If they're married they are even more likely to have someone on the side. This 'other' could be an old friend, an ex-boyfriend, ex-husband, a colleague or someone who they have met at the gym or a club. That means it pretty much could be anyone.

        I kind of figured this to be the case just by observing those around me in relationships that failed and even my own failed marriage. If they don't already have someone they will surely find someone before they break it off with their current other. To me this says that at least half of the women out there are incapable of committing to a relationship.You can't really make a relationship work if you go into it with one foot out the door already. Relationships should be a commitment 100% in or out. This is especially true for a marriage. A marriage is a total commitment to your significant other, for better or for worse, right?

        I'd like to see a study done on the men out there to get some perspective. I've seen many breakups through my years but I have never met a man who was in a relationship and had some woman on the side waiting. I think if that were the case the man would probably cheat and that would be in a whole other class.  Four out of ten of these women in the survey said they met this other person while they were with their partner. Women are known to have an easier time emotionally during a breakup. A large part of that is because they walk right out of one relationship right into the arms of another man. They were probably processing the demise of the relationship well before they actually broke it off as well. She could have been thinking about breaking it off for months or even years. Slowly adjusting herself to it. This certainly would make a breakup easier but as I stressed above, it's impossible to commit to a relationship while keeping someone on the side lines. That person would always be on there mind and they would always be comparing the two.

        About half of all marriages these days end in divorce. Look at the mindset of people today and you'll see why. Those vows taken while getting married were put there for a reason. If people would just be honest during the vows and commit themselves to living by those vows the divorce rate would drop considerably. If you don't mean it, don't say it. Pretty simple. The time spent dating and the engagement period are the place to weed through your insecurities. Not during your marriage. Wise up people.

    • Our picks

      • Bob Dylan - Mr. Tambourine Man
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      • First off, I believe divorce should be a drop-dead last resort. If you haven't done so yet you should look into couples’ therapy, purchase some videos on relationship building and communicate with your spouse about your issues. And give it some time to stew, sometimes people jump into a divorce while they are in a heat of the moment situation and if so, should take a step back and re-think things. If communications go awry and counseling doesn't work, maybe you could try a trial separation while continuing attempts of restoring your relationship. If that doesn't work, then it may be time to discuss a divorce with your partner. Simple communication goes a long way before, during and after a divorce. So be sure to keep those communication lines open. If you are past these points then continue reading.

        Here we will discuss that rare occurrence when the man is the one initiating the divorce or maybe it's a joint effort. And being as such you have time to plan things out ahead of time. There are a lot of things to watch out for and I hope to cover them all. If I'm missing something feel free to add it to this forum. You may not think you need to go through these steps but it's better to be prepared. Maybe things are still good between the two of you, but realize that it can, and usually does, go south. Remember the quote: “hope for the best, prepare for the worst”.
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      • Remember the two rules from the last section.

        1. Do not move out of the family residence unless you are served papers.

        2. Make sure YOU file first.


        If you suspect your STBX (soon to be ex) is getting wise to you and may file, you need to beat her to it. If you don’t you can expect a restraining order to get you out of the family home and keep you from your kids. And a large temporary child support/alimony payment. Not to mention she will probably drain every nickel out of your bank accounts. Good luck finding a decent attorney when you’re living paycheck to paycheck.  If were still tuning in please continue.

        Now that you have all the documents you need, you need to come up with a good strategy on taking action. Plan on a day/time when she is at work or out shopping without the kids. Talk with the attorney you have chosen and explain to him that you are ready to file for divorce and a restraining order against your STBX. Before meeting with him make sure you have time to cash out everything. Close out your checking and savings accounts. Cash in on any retirement accounts you have. Liquidate everything you possibly can. Sell, sell, sell.


        Your life is going to drastically change anyhow and your finances will most likely be crap when all is said and done. Now go meet with your attorney and put down the retainer he is going to ask for. You can expect at around $10k or more for a retainer on a good attorney. And that retainer in a disputed divorce will go very quickly. Have lots of cash available to feed the attorney. If you have verifiable income of an adequate amount he probably can work out a payment plan with you once the retainer is gone. If this is your situation be sure to talk to your attorney first about the finances, you don't want a lawyer bailing out on you mid term. I've personally never seen or had an attorney bail out on me but it could happen. Just make sure you have a strategy plan with him up front.
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      • I had a baby a few months ago (2 1/2). The experience wasn’t bad per say, but I did almost bleed out to death and had a lot of stitches you know where which led to a really rocky postpartum journey. I’m still in pain most days and feel like I’ve been hit by a truck and then thrown off of a cliff. Not to mention the exhaustion and continued hormone changes that still seem to be rocking my body. Recently I went to a therapist after being concerned about some things going on in my own mental state and she diagnosed me with extreme Postpartum Depression and Anxiety and told me to speak to my OBGYN about medication options even though I told her I wasn’t sure I wanted to do medication. But for my child and for my own sanity, I have reached out to my doctor and am heeding her advice as I trust her greatly and she knows me well.

        Segwaying into how this couples with divorce - the other day I went to do something on my husband’s phone. We use our phones as TV remotes and mine was dead and he had left his next to me on the couch. It’s not uncommon for me to use his if mine is dead and not uncommon for my phone to be dead since I’m constantly playing videos for the baby etc. So I go to use his phone, and when I go to close out of the remote app I see “dadsdivorce.com” pulled up. Obviously upset I click on it and find that and multiple other things that paint me in an unsavory light, like, why won’t my partner have sex with me after a baby? Is my spouse a control freak? Child custody - how do dads get custody? He also researched “is my spouse bipolar?” And obsessive love disorder. Obviously, this all felt like a slap across the face. I have been under extreme stress and due to COVID messing with our finances had to return to work to make sure we didn’t go into extreme debt a week after giving birth high off Percocet and still trying to recover. I’ve been putting pressure on him to do more to help me because if I don’t ask, he says “why didn’t you say something?” This is often after I break down when I get too overwhelmed. But then, If I say something, I’m a controlling micromanager. He thinks I’m obsessed with him because I always ask where he is aka when will he be home because I’m really trying to finish up my work day so I can enjoy time with our baby. I had to go back full time on September 1st and he doesn’t understand how hard it is to balance working remotely with a baby and two very needy pets. I feel like I’m constantly on the brink of losing my mind or losing my job, neither of which can happen as my paycheck is what supports us right now. Due to the financial effects of COVID we can only afford part time childcare and have no family around, which means I cannot work a full day uninterrupted and end up working late into the evenings (11pm-12am) trying to meet deadlines and keep my boss just happy enough that I don’t get fired or blindsided and without any income. Then, when I finish working I have to stay up with her all night because I am trying to keep up with breastfeeding. All in all, I’m just at a loss of what to do. I understand the transition for him is probably not easy either but after everything I’ve gone through and am doing, I wish he would show me even a fraction of grace instead of jumping to researching divorce.

        It really hurts my feelings to see what he was researching and I’m not sure how to approach it. I don’t want a divorce, but after seeing how he completely ignores my problems and stress I’m just in so much disbelief and am not sure if I want to stay. It also hurts me that he thinks I’m bipolar when I clearly am not and even my psychologist said my ever-changing emotions are a result of hormones and PPD/PPA as prior to this I was very steadfast emotionally and do not show signs of manic or depressive behavior.

        I’m sorry this post is all over the place - I’m struggling with my thoughts, I’m exhausted from new parenthood and while I knew our relationship was taking tiny blows in intimacy in the bedroom because I’m still recovering (yes two months later, my OBGYN even said it’s probably not smart to jump back into bed yet), I didn’t realize it would push him into researching divorce and trying to take custody of our baby? He’s usually very supportive and loving but lately he’s been blocking me out and ignoring me like I’m not even there. I don’t show any aggression towards him or the baby. I spend the majority of time with her and almost raise her solely at this point, and when she even so much as cries for a second he’s pushing her into my arms because he doesn’t want to deal with it but now he’s trying to take her from me or considering it? I seriously don’t understand and any insight from the divorce community on where to go from here would be appreciated.

        submitted by /u/gracieears
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      • We've have an active troll in the sub over the last 24 hours please just report the idiot and ignore them. If you don't feed them they get bored and go back to sexually obsessing over Caillou versus posting.

        submitted by /u/Catcherofsouls
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      • What happened to make you realize it was time to call it?

        submitted by /u/ch4evermo
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      • Hi,

        I am writing here because quite frankly I don't really have anyone else to speak to about this besides Reddit because no one really understands. I feel like this would be the perfect group to maybe get some opinions.

        I have been with my man for almost 4 years now and he is STILL NOT legally divorced from his ex -wife which ended 8 years ago. We have a house together, a child together and he alternates with his ex the daughter they share together.

        So I'm writing this msg to ask and see if it is OK that I am still very annoyed with the fact he is not divorced yet and legally separated from his ex. I've been wanting him to do it for the longest time now and the be honest this is what our main fights are about because I feel like he is holding on. There are some politics where if he initiates it first then he has to pay her lawyer fees and she only have to pay $900 to get it done- apparently it states it in their separation agreement . Now please is this a load of garbage or can this happen?? Does anyone know if it really costs that much to get a divorce or is it truly expensive? All the agreements are in the separation document regarding money and the joint custody... so I don't see what the issue is.

        Any advice would help. Good vibes only pls!!

        Thanks!

        submitted by /u/josiesul
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      • As I’m replaying the words through my head “You’ll probably feel a sense of mourning once your stbx starts dating. This isn’t any indication that you need to second guess the decision you made to divorce. It’s a normal reaction to moving on for both of you, so in essence, you’re both feeling the same emotions.”

        So many hopes and dreams that we both had. They always had us together in each scenario...until they didn’t. So much beauty and ugliness in our decades long marriage.

        Thank you for the wonderful times husband. I’m sorry for my part in the demise of our marriage. I pray happiness finds you and holds on tight.

        submitted by /u/sunburnedbrit
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