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  • I have PPD/PPA and found my husband researching divorce...I’m not sure how to feel or what to do about it.


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    I had a baby a few months ago (2 1/2). The experience wasn’t bad per say, but I did almost bleed out to death and had a lot of stitches you know where which led to a really rocky postpartum journey. I’m still in pain most days and feel like I’ve been hit by a truck and then thrown off of a cliff. Not to mention the exhaustion and continued hormone changes that still seem to be rocking my body. Recently I went to a therapist after being concerned about some things going on in my own mental state and she diagnosed me with extreme Postpartum Depression and Anxiety and told me to speak to my OBGYN about medication options even though I told her I wasn’t sure I wanted to do medication. But for my child and for my own sanity, I have reached out to my doctor and am heeding her advice as I trust her greatly and she knows me well.

    Segwaying into how this couples with divorce - the other day I went to do something on my husband’s phone. We use our phones as TV remotes and mine was dead and he had left his next to me on the couch. It’s not uncommon for me to use his if mine is dead and not uncommon for my phone to be dead since I’m constantly playing videos for the baby etc. So I go to use his phone, and when I go to close out of the remote app I see “dadsdivorce.com” pulled up. Obviously upset I click on it and find that and multiple other things that paint me in an unsavory light, like, why won’t my partner have sex with me after a baby? Is my spouse a control freak? Child custody - how do dads get custody? He also researched “is my spouse bipolar?” And obsessive love disorder. Obviously, this all felt like a slap across the face. I have been under extreme stress and due to COVID messing with our finances had to return to work to make sure we didn’t go into extreme debt a week after giving birth high off Percocet and still trying to recover. I’ve been putting pressure on him to do more to help me because if I don’t ask, he says “why didn’t you say something?” This is often after I break down when I get too overwhelmed. But then, If I say something, I’m a controlling micromanager. He thinks I’m obsessed with him because I always ask where he is aka when will he be home because I’m really trying to finish up my work day so I can enjoy time with our baby. I had to go back full time on September 1st and he doesn’t understand how hard it is to balance working remotely with a baby and two very needy pets. I feel like I’m constantly on the brink of losing my mind or losing my job, neither of which can happen as my paycheck is what supports us right now. Due to the financial effects of COVID we can only afford part time childcare and have no family around, which means I cannot work a full day uninterrupted and end up working late into the evenings (11pm-12am) trying to meet deadlines and keep my boss just happy enough that I don’t get fired or blindsided and without any income. Then, when I finish working I have to stay up with her all night because I am trying to keep up with breastfeeding. All in all, I’m just at a loss of what to do. I understand the transition for him is probably not easy either but after everything I’ve gone through and am doing, I wish he would show me even a fraction of grace instead of jumping to researching divorce.

    It really hurts my feelings to see what he was researching and I’m not sure how to approach it. I don’t want a divorce, but after seeing how he completely ignores my problems and stress I’m just in so much disbelief and am not sure if I want to stay. It also hurts me that he thinks I’m bipolar when I clearly am not and even my psychologist said my ever-changing emotions are a result of hormones and PPD/PPA as prior to this I was very steadfast emotionally and do not show signs of manic or depressive behavior.

    I’m sorry this post is all over the place - I’m struggling with my thoughts, I’m exhausted from new parenthood and while I knew our relationship was taking tiny blows in intimacy in the bedroom because I’m still recovering (yes two months later, my OBGYN even said it’s probably not smart to jump back into bed yet), I didn’t realize it would push him into researching divorce and trying to take custody of our baby? He’s usually very supportive and loving but lately he’s been blocking me out and ignoring me like I’m not even there. I don’t show any aggression towards him or the baby. I spend the majority of time with her and almost raise her solely at this point, and when she even so much as cries for a second he’s pushing her into my arms because he doesn’t want to deal with it but now he’s trying to take her from me or considering it? I seriously don’t understand and any insight from the divorce community on where to go from here would be appreciated.

    submitted by /u/gracieears
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